Guess it's me!!!

Well I've had a !@#$ of a day and sitting here going over things from years back and not liking myself for it at all! Yes I am a might stubborn and have learnt over the years to stick to my guns or others walk all over me. I've got to deal with this, change, and somehow make myself feel better to go on from here in a positive manner.

All my life I've lived with a Dad saying I was always doing things wrong, now don't get me wrong he said this to everyone just about, but seemed like it was always me. Then a sibling or two always calling me stupid or dumb or crazy or other such adjectives and I didn't know anything or how to do things, even when once I had the proof in my favour I was still wrong! Even at work had comments like "any dummy can do that" whenever I hit a snag and didn't know how to get out of it - really helpful. And lately even when asked my opinions and expressed they are not acceptable yet I have to accept others as "gospel". And they wonder why I explode sometimes??? Yep learning the hard way to keep my opinions to myself and do my work but yet somehow participate in the group too.

And over the years tolerated the "younger ones" always saying "you're embarassing me" and today it really hit home when told maybe I shouldn't have been invited to a family outing. Yep it was a bad day at work and just rotten timing for that comment, but you know these "so smart" young ones have to learn what their comments do to those that love them. No I'm not going to the outing and will try to come to terms with missing something that I've enjoyed more than anything. And he should have known better cause last year he asked I not "cheer" so loudly for him and since then I've done as asked.

Yep I'm having a bad day and will get over it, just not today! What's that line about you can pick your friends but not your family!!! MOM I now wonder how you survived our family as long as you did! LOVE YOU and miss you muchly!